Musings On A New Journey Beginning

So, long story short, I was made aware of some serious health issues while in Breckenridge; fell and broke my wrist; landed in the hospital; learned there was much wrong with my poor, neglected, body. I returned to L.A. with my daughter to recover, and re-evaluate my life.

The doctors say I CANNOT SMOKE. I have been a faithful cigarette smoker for more than 40 years, and now I’m just supposed to put it down! You really wouldn’t think that would difficult, right? Well, only if you’ve never smoked, or never tried to stop smoking. There are those, I will acknowledge, that are perfectly capable of putting them down and never picking them up again. Sadly, I’m not one of those lucky ones.

I have used cigarettes for every purpose you can possibly imagine; when I’m happy; when I’m sad; when I’m stressed; when I’m relaxing; after a meal; before a meal; and the list goes on and on. Now the doctors tell me if “I smoke I die”, and I think about that, every time I light up.

The journey toward becoming a healthy, non-smoker, began almost 3 months ago. In that time I have tried cold turkey; a book that promises you’ll quit “The Easy Way”; hypnosis; and back to cold turkey. Nothing has worked. I have sought help on the internet and discovered there’s not a lot out there. I have had to recognize that I am an addict, as much as it grieves me. I have come to the conclusion that Nicotine is the most dangerous drug of all because, in our society, it is not yet given it’s due as the King of Drugs. It is still considered a nasty, bad, habit by most people. I am of the belief that it is much, much more than this. It is a dangerous drug that kills millions of people each year, disguising itself as a nasty bad habit.

Last week I attended my first Nicotine Anonymous meeting. I have been to 3 so far. I am still smoking and kicking myself hard when I do, but I am accepted there regardless. The Promise is that I will quit, if I keep coming to meetings, and I work the steps. So that’s my commitment for right now, as it seems to be all I can manage at the moment.

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