Archive | August 2010

Musings on a Day of Discovery

Once again today I forced myself out the door of my apartment not 100% sure quite where I was going. The journey for me right now is simply getting myself out, and not isolating. I started at Whole Foods for one of their extremely good lattes. While there I decided I would head over Topanga Canyon and then North through Malibu, as I have never really been that way. I didn’t quite make it all the way to Malibu Canyon as the traffic got a bit aweful, so I turned around.

I found a place where you can pull over and get out of your car and gaze at the ocean. There was actually a life guard on duty, though not much beach. He came over for a chat, and showed me a pathway that lead down to the rocks, and told me that at low tide there was a small beach there. I took the path down, slipping and sliding a bit, but made my way to a large rock where I set myself up. I had my Notebook along and did some writing while I was there. It was wonderful. There was no one there but me, perched on a rock, feeling the salty ocean spray on my feet. I rolled up my pants and waded for awhile. It was good to have my toes in the sand, and the waves washing over them. The ocean heals my Soul.

I had pulled over once, before I found this spot, where I could see the ocean and beach through a wire fence. I could see all the houses of those lucky people who wake up every morning to the beach as their backyard. It was always my dream to live right on the beach like that, and I realized today, that it still is. I absolutely MUST live by the ocean.

There’s a place on Topanga Canyon Road where I always see a lot of cars parked, and people walking, so on my way back I decided to find out what the attraction was. Here I discovered The Will Geer Theatricum Botanicum. It’s a marvelous wooded area with tables and chairs scattered in amongst several different garden areas. There is a theater that I imagine resembles the ones where Shakespeare’s plays were first performed. And they do put on Shakespearean plays here. I was able to watch a rehearsal through a peep hole in the wooden gate which was the entrance to the theater. Anyone can go with a picnic, or a book, and spend time there. You can rest assured I will be revisiting the Theatricum Botanicum, but next time I’ll be sure to have a picnic lunch along.

All in all it was a wonderful day, and I begin to feel my sense of self returning. More and more I realize how detrimental to my health isolation is, and how important it is, no matter how difficult it might feel, to do the push through and get out there.


Musings on Getting Out of the House

Today I am sitting on the grass, in the shade of a beautiful big tree, overlooking the Santa Monica Pier and the ocean. I didn’t really want to come here, but I have forced myself out of the house today, and now I am really glad I came. The atmosphere down here is very pleasant on this Sunday afternoon.

With my daughter in Peru, and my son in Florida, I find myself all alone in L.A.  Once I would have told you I didn’t mind being alone, but I am beginning to realize this is one of the biggest lies I tell myself.  Somewhere along the line I let friends slip away, and stopped dating, putting 100% of my focus and energy into what time I had left with my kids. They really do grow up too fast! So now, at a time in my life when I can do pretty much whatever I want, I’m facing doing it all alone. And I discover I don’t like it!

I tell myself there are all kinds of things I want to do, but when push comes to shove I don’t do any of them. Nothing seems to motivate me out of the house – except my children and spending time with them. I tell myself I need more, and I do, but I don’t know what. Someone asked me the other day what were the challenges of middle age? For me there have been many, but I think this is the biggest. I’ve forgotten how to make friends, and even if I remember, it’s not so easy in L.A.

So I’ve joined a couple of Groups on – an over 40 Group that dines out, goes dancing, takes walks, and just generally wants to have some fun, and a Group that travels, as I’d like to do that, but it’s no fun alone. It remains to be seen if I ever attend a function. Sometimes I’m not very good at the follow through. But I am out today, and it does feel good.