Today I am sitting on the grass, in the shade of a beautiful big tree, overlooking the Santa Monica Pier and the ocean. I didn’t really want to come here, but I have forced myself out of the house today, and now I am really glad I came. The atmosphere down here is very pleasant on this Sunday afternoon.
With my daughter in Peru, and my son in Florida, I find myself all alone in L.A. Once I would have told you I didn’t mind being alone, but I am beginning to realize this is one of the biggest lies I tell myself. Somewhere along the line I let friends slip away, and stopped dating, putting 100% of my focus and energy into what time I had left with my kids. They really do grow up too fast! So now, at a time in my life when I can do pretty much whatever I want, I’m facing doing it all alone. And I discover I don’t like it!
I tell myself there are all kinds of things I want to do, but when push comes to shove I don’t do any of them. Nothing seems to motivate me out of the house – except my children and spending time with them. I tell myself I need more, and I do, but I don’t know what. Someone asked me the other day what were the challenges of middle age? For me there have been many, but I think this is the biggest. I’ve forgotten how to make friends, and even if I remember, it’s not so easy in L.A.
So I’ve joined a couple of Groups on Meetup.com – an over 40 Group that dines out, goes dancing, takes walks, and just generally wants to have some fun, and a Group that travels, as I’d like to do that, but it’s no fun alone. It remains to be seen if I ever attend a function. Sometimes I’m not very good at the follow through. But I am out today, and it does feel good.