I have heard of spontaneous healing, and I believe in it. I have heard of peoples’ lives changing miraculously overnight, and I believe in that possibility. I have heard that the root of our physical ailments is Spiritual in nature, and I believe that. And so I pray and meditate regularly; I work on my connection to Source (God); I live my life by the Golden Rule; and I focus on opening my heart and my Spirit in order to live a more conscious existence. So why does it appear these things are not working in my life?
Before Jesus performed a miracle he would ask the recipient “Do you believe?”. The recipient’s ability to believe in the possibility of the miracle is essential to it’s success. So I ask myself “Do you believe?” and I want to answer “Yes!” But recently I’ve had to wonder if there is some core part of me that does not believe; or is afraid to believe. Really believe! I have to acknowledge that my Faith is lacking. That somewhere, deep inside, I am afraid to fully believe. What if I’m wrong? What kind of idiot will I look like?
I have what I like to call “Bullshit Phases”, during which I just want to say bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, to it all. Yet I notice I continue to practice, pray, meditate, and desire to believe. Without my total conviction that amazing, miraculous events can happen in my life, they simply can’t. So, for right now, my prayer is for Source (God) to help me truly believe in my own beliefs. I ask to live in Trust and Faith and Acceptance, and to always remember that Source (God) IS, whether I’m believing it or not. To remember that a Divine Power guides my life and does not judge me, even when I’m in a “Bullshit Phase”.