Archives

Tis The Season

I’ve just spent most of my time allotted to writing tonight looking for a Christmas Theme. Sadly, there’s not much available, but I must do something, so here it is 🙂 I’ll continue the search for something better.

I love the Christmas Season, and usually put aside my cares and woes and fill up with the “Spirit of the Season”. This year is a little different, and although I’m adjusting to how it will be, I’m also missing how it usually is.

This Christmas will be spent in my homeland of Australia, and will be only the second one I’ve spent here in 35 years. I have been living in the U.S. since 1976. It isn’t only the difference in the weather (Christmas being in the Summer here), there’s just not as much made of it here, which I hadn’t remembered.

Of course I don’t know what it would be like in the city, but here in the small New South Wales South Coast town I’m staying in, there is no Christmas Tree downtown, no lights along the streets, no Christmas Carols playing in the stores. These are among the many things I love about Christmas.

Usually I would have a tree myself, set out my Christmas Village and other ornaments, and make my home a fairyland for a couple of weeks. It’s a really nice way to see out the old year, and welcome in the New Year. My family is not doing any of this, it’s not how they celebrate here.

So I’ve decided to make the most of things here. I will take Joy from being with my Mum, my Sister, my Daughter, my Nephew and his girlfriend. It will be wonderful for all of us to be together, and I will focus on that. For all the baubles (as much as I love them) are not nearly as important as being with people I love.

I hope you enjoy your journey toward Christmas, and that it’s everything you hope it will be. Just 13 days to go!

Thanks for listening.

Sandra L

Developing New Habits

Today I am writing simply to write. I thought I was inspired to write about my recent travels, but it seems I’m not. So I’m simply going to fulfill my committment today, and write.

I know I shouldn’t worry about how good it is yet – I’m just trying to create the habit of writing every day. Not very inspiring, I know 🙂 Hopefully as time goes on I’ll become more drawn to my Blog, and gain more clarity on what I want to write about. I have so many ideas, yet I’m finding it difficult to get them to flow from mind to paper.

I do believe that talent is a muscle that requires a regular work out. For so long now I haven’t given any time to the practice, so I imagine it will take me awhile to get the words flowing freely. I’m in the process of developing several new habits including exercise. It’s not easy to get new things established as a routine that I enjoy, but I am making progress.

Beginning last week, Monday through Friday I’m walking by the river and stopping at my tree to meditate. Now for 14 days I’ll write here on my Blog even if it isn’t any good. I just have to stay focused on doing it in both cases, and trust it will all become easier and easier as I practice.

That’s it for today. No judgement here 🙂

Thanks for listening.

Sandra L

“To Thine Own Self Be True” – Shakespeare

For such a long time I have thought of myself as a writer, even though not much has actually flowed from me in quite a while. I started this Blog so long ago, thinking it was time to focus on being True to who I believed I was. Yet I find myself doing anything at all to distract myself from writing. Even though today the temptation to update my “About Page” instead of writing was strong, I have resisted 🙂

From time to time I decide that I’m just “pretending” to want to write – I really don’t want it – and I put it aside once more. Round and round I’ve gone over the course of years, always winding up back here….wanting to write.

So today I am making a committment to write every day for 14 days. I feel the resistance as I write those words, but I know I must begin somewhere if I am to live Shakespeare’s words, “To Thine Own Self Be True”. How can I be True to anyone, or anything, else in my life if I’m not being True to myself.

So today I take the first step toward realizing my True Passion. I do it fear and all, because the only thing worse than finding out I’m no good at this, is never knowing if I could be.

Thank you for listening. See you tomorrow.

Musing on The Power of Our Beliefs

I have heard of spontaneous healing, and I believe in it. I have heard of peoples’ lives changing miraculously overnight, and I believe in that possibility. I have heard that the root of our physical ailments is Spiritual in nature, and I believe that. And so I pray and meditate regularly; I work on my connection to Source (God); I live my life by the Golden Rule; and I focus on opening my heart and my Spirit in order to live a more conscious existence.  So why does it appear these things are not working in my life?

Before Jesus performed a miracle he would ask the recipient “Do you believe?”. The recipient’s ability to believe in the possibility of the miracle is essential to it’s success. So I ask myself  “Do you believe?” and I want to answer “Yes!” But recently I’ve had to wonder if there is some core part of me that does not believe; or is afraid to believe. Really believe! I have to acknowledge that my Faith is lacking. That somewhere, deep inside, I am afraid to fully believe. What if I’m wrong? What kind of idiot will I look like?

I have what I like to call “Bullshit Phases”, during which I just want to say bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, to it all. Yet I notice I continue to practice, pray, meditate, and desire to believe. Without my total conviction that amazing, miraculous events can happen in my life, they simply can’t. So, for right now, my prayer is for Source (God) to help me truly believe in my own beliefs. I ask to live in Trust and Faith and Acceptance, and to always remember that Source (God) IS, whether I’m believing it or not. To remember that a Divine Power guides my life and does not judge me, even when I’m in a “Bullshit Phase”.

Musings on a Day of Discovery

Once again today I forced myself out the door of my apartment not 100% sure quite where I was going. The journey for me right now is simply getting myself out, and not isolating. I started at Whole Foods for one of their extremely good lattes. While there I decided I would head over Topanga Canyon and then North through Malibu, as I have never really been that way. I didn’t quite make it all the way to Malibu Canyon as the traffic got a bit aweful, so I turned around.

I found a place where you can pull over and get out of your car and gaze at the ocean. There was actually a life guard on duty, though not much beach. He came over for a chat, and showed me a pathway that lead down to the rocks, and told me that at low tide there was a small beach there. I took the path down, slipping and sliding a bit, but made my way to a large rock where I set myself up. I had my Notebook along and did some writing while I was there. It was wonderful. There was no one there but me, perched on a rock, feeling the salty ocean spray on my feet. I rolled up my pants and waded for awhile. It was good to have my toes in the sand, and the waves washing over them. The ocean heals my Soul.

I had pulled over once, before I found this spot, where I could see the ocean and beach through a wire fence. I could see all the houses of those lucky people who wake up every morning to the beach as their backyard. It was always my dream to live right on the beach like that, and I realized today, that it still is. I absolutely MUST live by the ocean.

There’s a place on Topanga Canyon Road where I always see a lot of cars parked, and people walking, so on my way back I decided to find out what the attraction was. Here I discovered The Will Geer Theatricum Botanicum. It’s a marvelous wooded area with tables and chairs scattered in amongst several different garden areas. There is a theater that I imagine resembles the ones where Shakespeare’s plays were first performed. And they do put on Shakespearean plays here. I was able to watch a rehearsal through a peep hole in the wooden gate which was the entrance to the theater. Anyone can go with a picnic, or a book, and spend time there. You can rest assured I will be revisiting the Theatricum Botanicum, but next time I’ll be sure to have a picnic lunch along.

All in all it was a wonderful day, and I begin to feel my sense of self returning. More and more I realize how detrimental to my health isolation is, and how important it is, no matter how difficult it might feel, to do the push through and get out there.

Musings on Getting Out of the House

Today I am sitting on the grass, in the shade of a beautiful big tree, overlooking the Santa Monica Pier and the ocean. I didn’t really want to come here, but I have forced myself out of the house today, and now I am really glad I came. The atmosphere down here is very pleasant on this Sunday afternoon.

With my daughter in Peru, and my son in Florida, I find myself all alone in L.A.  Once I would have told you I didn’t mind being alone, but I am beginning to realize this is one of the biggest lies I tell myself.  Somewhere along the line I let friends slip away, and stopped dating, putting 100% of my focus and energy into what time I had left with my kids. They really do grow up too fast! So now, at a time in my life when I can do pretty much whatever I want, I’m facing doing it all alone. And I discover I don’t like it!

I tell myself there are all kinds of things I want to do, but when push comes to shove I don’t do any of them. Nothing seems to motivate me out of the house – except my children and spending time with them. I tell myself I need more, and I do, but I don’t know what. Someone asked me the other day what were the challenges of middle age? For me there have been many, but I think this is the biggest. I’ve forgotten how to make friends, and even if I remember, it’s not so easy in L.A.

So I’ve joined a couple of Groups on Meetup.com – an over 40 Group that dines out, goes dancing, takes walks, and just generally wants to have some fun, and a Group that travels, as I’d like to do that, but it’s no fun alone. It remains to be seen if I ever attend a function. Sometimes I’m not very good at the follow through. But I am out today, and it does feel good.

Musings On A New Journey Beginning

So, long story short, I was made aware of some serious health issues while in Breckenridge; fell and broke my wrist; landed in the hospital; learned there was much wrong with my poor, neglected, body. I returned to L.A. with my daughter to recover, and re-evaluate my life.

The doctors say I CANNOT SMOKE. I have been a faithful cigarette smoker for more than 40 years, and now I’m just supposed to put it down! You really wouldn’t think that would difficult, right? Well, only if you’ve never smoked, or never tried to stop smoking. There are those, I will acknowledge, that are perfectly capable of putting them down and never picking them up again. Sadly, I’m not one of those lucky ones.

I have used cigarettes for every purpose you can possibly imagine; when I’m happy; when I’m sad; when I’m stressed; when I’m relaxing; after a meal; before a meal; and the list goes on and on. Now the doctors tell me if “I smoke I die”, and I think about that, every time I light up.

The journey toward becoming a healthy, non-smoker, began almost 3 months ago. In that time I have tried cold turkey; a book that promises you’ll quit “The Easy Way”; hypnosis; and back to cold turkey. Nothing has worked. I have sought help on the internet and discovered there’s not a lot out there. I have had to recognize that I am an addict, as much as it grieves me. I have come to the conclusion that Nicotine is the most dangerous drug of all because, in our society, it is not yet given it’s due as the King of Drugs. It is still considered a nasty, bad, habit by most people. I am of the belief that it is much, much more than this. It is a dangerous drug that kills millions of people each year, disguising itself as a nasty bad habit.

Last week I attended my first Nicotine Anonymous meeting. I have been to 3 so far. I am still smoking and kicking myself hard when I do, but I am accepted there regardless. The Promise is that I will quit, if I keep coming to meetings, and I work the steps. So that’s my commitment for right now, as it seems to be all I can manage at the moment.