Tag Archive | existence

Finding Home

I have moved around a lot in my life. My family moved on a regular basis during my growing up years, and that pattern has continued for me into my adult life. Sometimes I think it’s become impossible for me to put down roots.

The closest I’ve ever come was 22 years in the same small town in Florida, USA. Even there I changed abodes regularly, although I did manage to stay put for 4 years, in a townhouse I’d bought a block from the beach. That’s the longest I have lived in the same building in all my 58 years!!

Often I have a strong desire to just settle, but have always felt torn about where I want to be when I do. Twice now I have said “I will leave this house feet first, and no other way”, only to move yet again!

In the past 10 years I’ve been a bit of a tumble weed. After completing Cancer Treatment 10 years ago, I moved to Tallahassee, Florida, to be closer to my kids while I got back on my feet. Getting back on my feet proved to be far more difficult than I had imagined.

After 2 years in Tallahassee I moved to LA. My daughter was heading out there and I was going to help her move and return to Florida. But what was there for me in Florida? I decided, NOTHING! So I headed West to LA.

During the following 7 years I found it impossible to settle, moving apartments every year when the lease ran out. Still unable to put down roots, I thought if I returned Home to Australia, and my family here, I would find the peaceful place I’d been searching for. Yet still I have found no peace.

I saw the Dalai Lama on television the other night and he said something to the effect of, “wherever you are the happiest, is Home”. I asked myself these two questions: “Does that mean I’m looking for my Happiness?” And if so, “how do I find that?”

Prior to heading back to Australia in June of 2010, I had pretty much convinced myself that the answer to finding my Happiness lay in my returning Home to Australia. I thought I would, at the least, eliminate the question “Australia or the US?” That hasn’t exactly happened!

What has happened however, is that I have confirmed that where I am does not equate to my happiness. That, as any truly aware person knows, Happiness is an inside job. Of course I am aware of this Truth, even though it was incredibly easy to convince myself otherwise.

However, I have also become aware that environment is tremendously important to my wellbeing, and the answer lies in finding an environment which supports my personal growth in a positive way.

So I am being the “Observer”, and making notes on what I need in order to feel positively supported on my journey. I see that the easy access to Nature definitely supports my quest for a peaceful, balanced existence. To this end, I am walking along the River Path each morning, and connecting with the soothing effects of Nature.

It is also becoming more and more obvious that to be in the company of uplifting people, people who are aware of the need to focus on the “what you do have” instead of the “what you don’t have”, would serve me best when choosing the company I keep.

In this way, where I am is important! I suppose we’re just like all living things in this respect. A tree or plant, or animal for that matter, that has been created to live in a Tropical climate, won’t do well in the snowy mountains for instance.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I am seeking the right climate for my Happiness to grow in. I see that I grow best when I’m near the ocean; when a walk in Nature is close at hand; when the days are mostly sunny and mild; and where supportive groups of like-minded people can be found.

While I may not have found Home yet, the more clarity I gain around what Home would feel like, the closer I come to finding it. In the meanwhile, there is much to learn and enjoy from the journey, and the places I visit along the way.