Yesterday my daughter called with some incredibly good news! A very important situation in her life had worked out just exactly as she’d hoped it would! I found myself floating for the rest of the day on her happiness. It is truly remarkable to me how my children’s happiness becomes my happiness.
However, I also realized that I wanted to be floating on my own happiness. It seems like such a long time since I have done that! This is mostly because I have not had goals, desires, or great wants for myself – other than the happiness of my children.
Yesterday I heard once again the voice inside my head, which repeats its message at such times as these…..“Get A Life!” I’ve always told my kids that deciding what you want is the hardest part of getting what you want. With a clear knowing of the “WHAT” the Universe can get behind you and deliver. Until then, it’s way too confusing for the Universe to know. Just watch your own thoughts when confusion reigns……how could the Universe possibly figure out what to deliver?
Today I’ve been asking myself “what would make me happy?” The answer feels disjointed and unclear, as all I really want is to BE HAPPY! See….confusing isn’t it? So it’s time to get some clarity! This isn’t quite as simple as making a list just yet.
Certainly there are some very practical things that could happen which would improve my current living situation, such as finding a job. Several months ago I moved to the South Coast of New South Wales, from Sydney, to be closer to my Mother and Sister. I hoped to get work here, then my own place, and stick around for awhile.
This plan has not gone as I’d hoped at all. At first it was all OK as I had intended to take some time off to get some perspective on what I now wanted from my life. I had Faith that the work would show up when I needed it. It hasn’t!
There are several reasons for this I believe. Most importantly, I have not been clear about what I wanted from my stay here. Now I do want a job so I can stay….. now I don’t! Back and forth, up and down. I have been incredibly unclear.
No way for the Universe to know what to deliver! It has tried! But my inability to commit to a plan, and my fear that I will get what I want, only to discover it’s not what I want, has most certainly interferred with my success.
But I am making progress. I have moved from not being able to feel my future at all, to knowing precisely how I’d like my life to feel. Though there is much that I still don’t know, there are some tangibles that I do know.
I know I don’t want to be alone in my life. It’s years since I’ve been in an intimate relationship, and I now know I do want that. I also know I’d like to travel. There are places in the world I’d love to see….like Greece!
I’ve been so focused on choosing between the US and Australia for so long, I’d quite forgotten there was a whole world out there for me to explore.
And I’d like to have friends. It’s also been years since I had a close friend. This is a little embarrassing, but I somehow lost the ability to reach out to people, and I have become isolated. Isolation deprives the Spirit of much needed nourishment!
I know I want to live in the sunshine, by the ocean, in an environment which allows for the possibility of meeting others of like-mind. I know I’m ready to put down roots and stay for awhile, and I’m ready to find the right place to do that.
Somehow, with each new piece of clarity I gain, the whole will come together and form the bigger picture of my future. In this I Trust. My work, for now, is to stay focused on what I do know I want, and not get lost in the what I don’t know.
I know that if I can continue to gain clarity; believe in the POSSIBILITIES; and truly connect to how I want my life to FEEL, the Universe will be able to get behind me. How can it not?
Having said all this, I begin to see that I know more about what I want than I realized as I began to write today. I begin to see how close I already am to that moment in time when I’ll be Floating On My Own Happiness.
Aussie Musings 